On
my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of
the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump
and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The
following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I
went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a
civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost
at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our
marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes. Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony.
Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her. Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.
But
I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said, You go to
select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company.
Obviously
she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At
the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it
used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather
difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it
to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife.
Every
evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the
TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was
lounging before the computer, visualizing Dews body. This was the means
of my entertainment. One day I said to her in a slight joking way,
suppose we divorce, what
will
you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently
she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I
couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When
my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide
something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She
gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more. When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I'm serious.
I
avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! At that
night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted
to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give
her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep
sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.
The
woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one
day. But I could not take back what I had said. Finally she cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
stressed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember.
You
carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that
is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now
to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the
door every morning. I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those
sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form. I told
Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought
it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me
feel uncomfortable.
My
wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought
me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded,
feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to
wait for bus, I drove to office.
On
the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a
long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine
wrinkles on her face. On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside
garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there. On the
fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an
intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On
the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.
I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew
about this. I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry
you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out.
She tried and tried a few but could not find a suitable one.
I
turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding
day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to
school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we
are old.
I
held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn't notice that our life
was lacking of such intimacy. I jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my
decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry,
Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious. She looked at me, astonished. Then
she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand
off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't
divorce.
My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the
details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our
child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry
to you. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and
then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove
to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a
bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to
write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, " I'll carry
you out every morning until we are old... "
That
evening I arrived home,flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run
up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been
fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with DEW
to
even notice. She knew that's he would die soon and she wanted to save
me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push
through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a
loving husband….
The
small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These
create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness
in themselves.
So
find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for
each other that build intimacy. Do have areal happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who
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